Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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