I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?