WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
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he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.