If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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