Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.

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(321): Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance. http://tfl.nu/ue6b

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(615): View more from Tennessee

my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.

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(615): my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap. http://tfl.nu/2c94

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(313): View more from Michigan

I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.

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(313): I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life. http://tfl.nu/7obq

Replies (9) Good night (776) Bad night (4270)
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(253): View more from Washington

I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.

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(253): I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight. http://tfl.nu/4pnr

Replies (12) Good night (3461) Bad night (1038)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.

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(859): Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me. http://tfl.nu/05qc

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.

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(402): I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong. http://tfl.nu/dijt

Replies (19) Good night (2820) Bad night (888)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.

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(+44): I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage. http://tfl.nu/0e7q

Replies (7) Good night (2942) Bad night (859)
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(602): View more from Arizona

You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink

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(602): You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink http://tfl.nu/maij

Replies (7) Good night (2125) Bad night (731)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!

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(225): I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid! http://tfl.nu/3alp

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.

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(414): I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment. http://tfl.nu/4r7a

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.

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(724): If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant. http://tfl.nu/s61d

Replies (1) Good night (1283) Bad night (448)
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(240): View more from Maryland

Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.

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(240): Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum. http://tfl.nu/4chd

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(+61): View more from Australia

I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.

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(+61): I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality. http://tfl.nu/cwc2

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(941): View more from Florida

I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?

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(941): I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment? http://tfl.nu/809a

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(516): View more from New York

ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok

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(516): ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok http://tfl.nu/9kls

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