i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say