I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize