The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
