oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
