I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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