pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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