You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
