I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
