I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
