This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
