the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
