I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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