mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
