I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
