If that was your dad, he is hot
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
