I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
