we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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