she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
