um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
