Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
