I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
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either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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