Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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