he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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