Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
