My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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