dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
NoShamevember. You game?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
