eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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