He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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