i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
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Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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