I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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