I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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