Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
