I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
