The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
