She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You've changed since you got that strap on
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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