So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
