Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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