Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
