I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your cock deserves a montage
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
