so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
