i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
