Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
thus making me awesome and them whores
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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