I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
