dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
