Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
