yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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