I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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