Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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