How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So squirting runs in the family.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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