i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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