I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
