You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
