Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
