I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
