but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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