i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
