i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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