a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
