sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
