can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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