break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
