That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
