I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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