i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
