It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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