maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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