Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
