Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
