you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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