is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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