Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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