he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
